Today was really bad for me :(. I didnt know that the excel centre was going to be so busy… I hate LARGE crouds…but because the London Marathon it was extra busy… So mummy daughter day got ruined a bit because I kept having panic attacks when the crouds got to dense…started rubbing my ear alot as well now it kind of hurts… 😦 I got some new craft stuff so to keep me calm I am making a scarf 🙂 the wool is really nice… Its soft…. I kept loosing my mum aswell because she is a lot shorter than me and I kept loosing sight of her….this led to more panic attacks. At one point I was nearly in tears… 😦 for me mummy daughter day was a bit sad 😦
One of the things that I get on well with. I love crafts. I am very good with Crocheting and Knitting and it is something that calms me down. I can sit and knit or crochet and watch the telly all day long and I dont need to look at what I am doing. I am going with my mum to the Hobby Craft fair today and am looking forward to it. The Hobby Craft Fair and the National Pet Shows are my idea of Heaven. If it went on all day and all night long 365 days a year I would never ever leave 🙂 I always feel calm in those places.
I have finally had some good news. I went to the doctor yesterday over 3 things one of which is the suspected Autism. I finally got my doctor to listen to me when it comes to getting referred… Whether the head of the GP surgery will allow the referral to go through is neither here nor there but at least I finally got someone to listen to me. I am still going to be going through this alone as I have not told my family the doctors are finally listening to me because well unless I have been diagnosed they will not believe me… Its sad to say but its true….I just feel happy that I finally found someone who listened to me. Although the doctor did find it strange because she thought I was a very happy person but the truth is I am 31 I know how to fake normal ish but the truth is I know I am not and finally someone is believing me.
So one of the things that is important to me is Music and Animals. I am very eclectic when it comes to music but love Country and Western Music. I can find myself lost in a world of music for ever and a day. When I need to concentrate music is the way in which I am able to do so. I don’t like back ground noise when its not something I choose but when its music I can concentrate all day long without needing a break.
Animals is another thing for me. I love all animals including the ones that scare the crap out of me. If I could be surrounded by animals all day I would but that for me is probably never going to happen.
Is it me or do you feel like everyday is a climbing exercise. We are unable to do anything but continue to climb. It is hard to always keep going upwards and there are times in which we may have slips. I struggle with the slips….When I slip I struggle to cling on to keep myself steady but there is always a chance that the slip will be worse each time. All you and I can do is to just keep climbing.
“It takes a village” is a universal idea but not just for raising a family but for security aswell.. If your housing estate is plauged by crime then it is not up to one person to demand for change “it takes a village” if there are known criminals breaking the law and intimidating residents “it takes a village” and if you want to live somewhere where your children are able to goto school without fear of being beaten up, sexually harrassed or other such nasty things “it takes a village”. Criminals pray on the people who they know will be to scared to stand up on their own to put a stop to things which is why globally the police have trouble finding people willing to come forward.. The problem with this is that crime just wins because no one trusts the police and the police dont trust the residents… We should all work together and be the Village that is needed to bring crime in our local areas down…. It is usually not our choice as to where we live, but it is our choice in how we live….If we choose to live free from crime in our area its not just for one person to say no but IT TAKES A VILLAGE
Some people would call me over emotional. I am unable to watch death scenes in movies because I am usually crying all the time. One of my favorite shows in history is Sea Patrol and I am unable to watch Season 3 episode 1 where ET is found dead… I am a blubbery wreck every time. Or Criminal Minds when Hayley is killed I saw the episode once and refuse to ever watch it again… People say I am too emotional, I think I am just very emphatic.
Ok men are driving me banana
When you are scared, i am there giving you strength to stay strong.
When you are sad i am there to bring that smile back.
When you are angry i calm you down.
When you are ill i bring you medicine and when you fall im the shoulder that yoy lean onto
But you dont see me. You know i have been there but you dont see. You dont see thehurt in my eyes, the fear in my heart, the pain i bury deep or the loneliness i feel. When i need help no one is there to lift me up or to bring the smile back… I am alone, forever in the shadows
Today for me is going to be a scary situation. I am currently on an apprenticeship and as such part of my work is to study… Now aside from the fact that I have been struggling with a viral chest infection since Friday to get there I am going to have to use public transport to get there. One of the most busiest lines in the London Underground system as well. I am going to really be panicky so wish me the best of luck everyone.